Define "chronic" masturbator.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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