i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
