i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize