idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
