Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize