His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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