last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
