I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
