made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
