He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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