im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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