And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
