I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize