God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's paint friendship bongs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
