You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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