drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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