Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
