She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize