the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
