I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
