terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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