i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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