My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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