I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
