Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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