I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
