I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He better not be in your backpack
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
