So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
