I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
