Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
