dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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