i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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