Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
false alarm, still single
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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