The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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