Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
