I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
