You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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