Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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