hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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