Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
