I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
