I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
