sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
