And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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