I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
