Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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