You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize