I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
