just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize