marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
