I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
