sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
