I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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