He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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