She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
