Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
