What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
