she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
