I hate all girls vehemently.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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