It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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