I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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