guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
