I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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