It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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