I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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