I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize