He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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