walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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