it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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