Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
