Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
