You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All the doctor said was why
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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