She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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