My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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